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View Profile RedMarlin
Perfectly unremarkable

Joined on 12/5/09

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RedMarlin's News

Posted by RedMarlin - 1 month ago


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I have been trying to move forward at whatever pace I can, trying to just let whatever happens happen without getting upset if things don't look quite right. I find that even if it's not perfect I still am happy when the idea is conveyed in some way. Maybe that's a sign I'm taking things too seriously. I also wonder if I shouldn't be so worried about making things so precise and clean when doing the final product. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I guess the good part is there are enough ideas that if one doesn't work then others can take its place.


I won't be able to make as many finished pieces, but as long as I can sit down and sketch a little each day then I'm happy. Sooner or later things will come through.


Posted by RedMarlin - May 7th, 2021


Some making of's. Life has been very busy and color pencil is a slower process with less room for error. Not a good combination for productivity.


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Posted by RedMarlin - April 15th, 2021


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Someday I'll finish this thing. So much for doing one piece a month again this year. I'll be lucky if I can do one every three months at this rate. Maybe I'm just not that good at time management, or maybe I just need to get better at cutting out the dead weight. Life feels like it's always go, go, go, never stopping until the weekend, and then all you want to do is rest and have fun. Not to say this isn't fun, but it's also not the only thing I do as a hobby. So many conflicting things, all that on top of just trying to keep your house clean and take care of yourself. How do people do it?


Probably caffeine.


Posted by RedMarlin - April 4th, 2021


They say consistency is the best thing you can do to keep yourself in the limelight. Unfortunately, trying to maintain a consistent schedule with art and posting whilst simultaneously trying to stay upright on this lovely little treadmill called life is quite difficult. I don't know how others do it.


I've been back to full time for a while now, which unfortunately means my output has slowed down again. Last year at this time we were locked down and my hours were being cut, so I could easily make a piece a month, but it's been almost two months since my last completed piece. And traditional art takes longer too, which only makes the pace slower. It's worth it though, to have something tangible. I've come to appreciate that about it.


Work has been stressful, not just for me but for everyone there. In a dark sort of way that's kind of comforting, but having your face held in a fire is still having your face held in a fire. If I really wanted to I could probably get away with quitting my job and living off savings for around a year while pushing my art more, but I don't want to sell on my investments to do that and who knows how well that would really work. I'm enjoying these color pencils a lot and I have hopes of selling physical illustrations in the near future, but of course right as I decide to make that part of my life's plan there comes a fad where digital art is suddenly all the rage to put a barcode on and sell. If I could have three wishes from a genie, one of them would be foresight.


The chemo medication is working thus far and my blood tests have all been looking good. We find out this week if I pass the 3-month checkpoint, which is one of three points over the next year before I can be declared in remission. It's weird to think there's a medicine I have to take every day of my life now because I'll die if I don't.


Mental health has still been up and down. It's more a matter of external factors than internal, I feel. But having some personal goals for the near future has been helping. I try to remind myself that what I'm doing is supposed to be fun, but sometimes it's not easy.


I doubt people read these but it's nice to just shout things into the open. I don't really care who knows at this point.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 17th, 2021


A lot has happened in the past several months.


I don't make new years' resolutions because I would likely break them in a matter of weeks.


Motivation has gone up and down in terms of art. Right now it's up again and I'm currently experimenting a bit with traditional art - mixed media with watercolors, colored pencils and pastels. We'll see how that goes. Also started sketching again after several weeks of not doing anything. Still trying a more realistic style and trying to go bigger, but with that comes a lot of challenges. I probably should study more.


I don't know that the medicine is working all that well. It seems like my sleep habits do more to affect my mood than the pills, so either the meds aren't working and I need to try something different, or I don't need meds to begin with. Who knows.


Also I apparently have leukemia. It is probably not going to kill me, but that was pretty scary to hear. Both my mind and my body seem to want me dead. But I'm not going to let that happen.


I think I've come to accept what it is I want to achieve with my art. It took a pretty bad experience to recognize it, but I'm happy now that it's here.


Posted by RedMarlin - November 7th, 2020


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I finally downloaded a trial of Clip Studio Paint. I like to jump right in and mess around when it comes to new art programs. So far it feels very similar to Krita - similar enough where I'm not convinced to get it. But I want to go a litle further into their brush engine and see what it's capable of. Apparently one of the big difference is that CSP uses a single, extremely versatile brush engine for all of its tools, compared to Krita which as multiple engines in different categories.


I want to find one that gives me a bit more texture. When I take the sketch overlay off this painting, it's look too boring and plastic-ey.


Posted by RedMarlin - November 1st, 2020


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Over the past week or so my motivation for art has fallen significantly. Attempts to draw usually end with impatience and frustration, as well as a few pages of me writing various insults towards myself. I feel as though I am getting better and worse at the same time. Socially, I feel like I've been getting more paranoid about screwing things up, not helped by two consecutive days of getting told off by my boss. It's like I don't want to try anything anymore, because I know I'll just fail. I still get ideas, but I don't have the patience with myself to implement them properly. Nothing seems right, and anything short of perfection feels like a failure. It sometimes reaches a point where my hand is paralyzed, unable to put the pencil to the paper.


I recently went to a doctor and have started a trial dosage of antidepressants. It treats both depression and anxiety, though leaning more towards the former. We'll see how it works. I also have an appointment scheduled with a therapist, though unfortunately the art therapists were all unavailable (that's basically what I've been doing for myself anyway).


What once served as a way to transform sadness into joy now only serves as frustration. The monster has grown stronger, but steps are being taken to change that. I'm tired of this. I just want to be happy again. I just want to enjoy art again. I don't even know who I'm doing this for anymore.


Posted by RedMarlin - October 25th, 2020


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Rejected version of today's piece.


I'm kind of proud that I've continued with this, even if it's not strictly adhering to the official guidelines. I might not be super good with ink but I've gotten fairly comfortable with it in a short amount of time, and I've found that it's actually a lot of fun and looks very nice in its own way.


It's funny, because several of these drawings I've finished and looked at them only to think they didn't turn out well, but when I take some time away and then come back, they don't seem as bad. I think I'm just overcritical of myself. I think I expect each new drawing to be the best ever, like I need to get everything perfect all the time, but I don't even know what perfect is. If I'm not blown away by it then it's not up to snuff. Sometimes I think I need to let good enough be good enough and move onto the next. The highs will come when they come, but that doesn't mean the rest are all lows, you know?


I have one more Inktober piece planned.


Posted by RedMarlin - October 21st, 2020


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After an extreme low came an extreme high. No not that kind.

I'm mostly just putting this here so there's not a muh depression post on the page anymore.

I'm hoping to have another Inktober piece done tomorrow.


Posted by RedMarlin - October 15th, 2020


I've not been feeling well mentally and my drawings have suffered as a result. I don't know when the next piece will be made or how many more Inktober pieces will come out.

I can't tell if it's because I'm genuinely ill or if it's because of life's natural demands. I feel as though if I had more time each day this wouldn't be a problem. Either way something needs to change.