I feel as though my ambitions far outrank my abilities. Though I suppose that's a good thing - it means I'm pushing further.
I've been listening to Sleepycast lately and at one point Stamper was talking about how if you're constantly pushing yourself to do a certain thing but you never do, then perhaps you just weren't meant to do it. I'm starting to wonder if that's how it is with me and comics. I always said I would put these two in one someday, but in the meantime I've done countless single pieces with them and I've come to love doing it. I don't know if I'm procrastinating on starting or if I'm just lying to myself. Or maybe I'm just not good with time management. Hopefully I figure it out before long. My life is ticking away.
I still am stuck in the same spot at work and recently my coworker and friend of 2+ years resigned so now it's just me and a newcomer. I dread to think what that means for the future. Sometimes I feel like I'm a train stuck on the same track, never able to switch directions or stop. And it might not even be so bad, where I'm going, but it's the fact that I couldn't change it even if I wanted to that's the problem. Sometimes I wonder if it's better for me to just drop everything and go far away, re-roll the dice on life, do it "right" this time and try to find some autonomy. But where would I even go? Any other town is just that, another town, with its own problems and expenses. And I wouldn't be any different a person than I am now, but I would be giving up everything and everyone I have in life. But it would be simpler, I would just have to worry about me.
2:38 AM. My sleep habits have gone to shit again.