Staying alive. I haven't had time to work on art much. I haven't had the time to do anything. I feel pretty fucked up still.

The chemo medicine isn't working for some reason and my count is very slowly going up again. I don't know what that means yet. I still take it as I'm supposed to but it's just one more thing to worry about. I feel like I can't afford to take risks career-wise because I need the health insurance.

There's too much going on, man, too fucking much. It just doesn't feel worth it. I know this reads like attention whoring but I haven't said it anywhere else. I can't do this anymore. But I have to, what else is there. The fact that I'm still here typing this means I haven't been able to take that leap yet, and I think it means I might never be able to. But I'm starting to feel like it's the better option. I'm just tired and stressed all the time and I want it all to stop, but it feels like there's no way out.