Lately I've gotten back into bad sleep habits, mostly because it feels like there's not enough time to do everything in one day that I want to do. If I wanted to produce more, a compromise would have to be made. Sleep, exercise, relationships, money, healthy food, one or more would have to be reduced. Traditional art has been fun, but it's all the more slower compared to digital, which had gotten pretty quick once I had the process down. Perhaps that is my compromise.
I used to say that I preferred digital because it took up no space. There was nothing to fill box after box over time. I think that's changed. I've come to appreciate having something you can hold in your hands, see in real life. I enjoy working with the tangible instead of the virtual. Lately I've been searching for sculpture classes. I would love to be able to make things like that.
Career wise I don't know what it is I want anymore. I keep saying I'm not satisfied with where I am, but at the same time I am grateful that I have a job related to my field. Yet when I think about the idea of doing what I do for fun as a commission for someone else, I see no joy in that. These are intrinsic and must stay that way, though I don't see the harm in letting others have them once they're finished. I don't want to work for a company or a studio. I just want to do this. I've heard several people in my life give the mindset that their job gives them purpose, that they wouldn't know what to do if left to their own devices for too long. I have never had such a problem.