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RedMarlin
Perfectly unremarkable

Joined on 12/5/09

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RedMarlin's News

Posted by RedMarlin - February 21st, 2020


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This evening was spent studying pumpkins. I learned more about them than I really expected to have to learn, but that's not a bad thing.


I'm looking forward to making this one. I hope it turns out well.


Posted by RedMarlin - February 19th, 2020


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Another frustrating night. This makes I think the third attempt in a row of being unable to capture that golden moment again.


That drawing of Kneesocks wasn't created in such a way. It felt hammered out rather than effortlessly conjured. Was it because it was a less familiar pose? Perhaps, but I still think I wasn't in the same state of mind.


Tonight I tried an exercise I came across online where one draws a page full of lines as slowly as possible. The idea is to get your mind to hush out all the rushing thoughts and slow down. It worked at first, but I found that after a while my mind began wandering again out of boredom, particularly when reaching the halfway point and also when approaching the end of the paper. It took roughly 40 minutes to make that.


Once I started drawing though, I must say I found that for a brief moment I was in that state. Only briefly though, and not as strong. I think although I tell myself I'm going to let go of any expectations of completing another masterpiece, I secretly am still demanding one from myself. There's a paradoxical mindset where the realization that I am letting go of expectations sets up another realization that doing so allows for that flow state to occur thus resulting in good work, which leads right back around to expecting it again. I wish I didn't have to go through a mental breakdown every time to get it to happen. I also wish it didn't happen by surprise. Then again would training it and honing it take away the fun? The magic?


Eventually I became nervous again, to the point where my hand was hesitant and shaky. When that happens I try to get myself to relax but so far I can't get back once the moment is gone. It's like a barrier is broken.


Space, time, time, confidence, humor... I feel confident that I can make good work, but when the moment comes that confidence starts to slip. Funny how the drawings that got me out of such emotional turmoil are now beginning to cause it.


I'm going to try one more time tonight. We'll see what happens.


Update:

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Naturally.


Of course now it's 12:45AM. A small price to pay I suppose.


I still think I like my other sketch of Athena more, but I think this one will grow on me too. I feel satisfied, but the feeling isn't particularly immense like it was with hers. Certainly better than Kneesocks' drawing.


Though I wonder if I'm not feeling much because I'm allowing myself to break it down more quickly to correct what I think is wrong and improve. Then again, I feel like I was doing that before anyway. Maybe it wasn't as much? I want to try and record myself at some point to see what the process is.


Maybe by anticipating it I'm ensuring it doesn't happen. I don't know.


2

Posted by RedMarlin - February 16th, 2020


Finished another piece today. Not as good as the others, but I guess that's bound to happen. What do you do, suck it up and move onto the next. I think I was more concerned about making a drawing than I was drawing, if that makes sense. I wasn't in the right state of mind, and I had been trying for a couple of days to achieve it. I guess I just need more practice. I want to be able to get into that state more easily. The five factors were space, time, time, confidence, and humor. Those last two I have a habit of ignoring because I'm so concerned about getting results.


I've felt less of a drive to make these as of late, particularly when it comes to maintaining my folder of progress shots. Now that I'm free from SPNATI I feel as though I've quickly broken out of my stagnation and as a result I don't feel the need to monitor my progress as closely. I do like using it to gather the more successful sketches though. I still need to organize all my scans. That won't be fun.


1

Posted by RedMarlin - February 14th, 2020


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Last night I did two sessions, one which ended in frustration and then another one very late at night which ended with this. In the end I don't remember much of the frustration but I do remember this and that makes me happy. I think I'd like to start recording myself as I draw so I can go back over it and see what the process is, because I seem to forget it often after it's done.


1

Posted by RedMarlin - February 9th, 2020


Finished the sketch of Ray painting today. I think I'm getting better at not being frustrated when things don't go right. Still need practice, but I'm getting better.


1

Posted by RedMarlin - February 5th, 2020


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It has been a lovely evening, with lots of productivity in several different ways. I didn't expect to make a sketch this detailed this evening, but as I was driving home I glanced over at a house that was next to a busy road and thought about how nice it would be to have a privacy screen made of bamboo, which in turn led to me dreaming of having a cove outside surrounded by lush greenery, both around and above. Then I got a vision for another drawing in what might as well be a series by this point. Something about him painting with that oversized brush felt appealing. Imagine being out in the warm Summer sun, the light poking through the leaves and dotting the floor, spending hours in quiet privacy creating art while wearing nothing but what you were born with. I bet it would be relaxing.


Of course it's different when you're grown up. Especially when you're a man. Once your innocence is lost, nudity takes on a different meaning.


I still think it would be comfy.


1

Posted by RedMarlin - February 4th, 2020


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Played around with a different way of coloring in these sketches. When I start my comic I'm going to keep it in black and white, so I'd like to find a method that I like best. I've found I tend not to favor the hard cold lines of ink and instead lean towards the loose rough look of pencil and charcoal, though I wound up using a lot of different tools for this one here. The goal is to keep the personality of the sketch, or ideally use it as part of the final piece.


I don't know if I'll do this again in the same format as the others or not. I did like the bright colors of the watercolor. Though with those I think it's better to not shade in the sketches. Hmm. Maybe I can erase the shading? I like having a more complete-looking sketch too. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll just try it without erasing the shading and see how it looks. I did another sketch of Athena that I'll use.


I'm excited to jump back in.


Posted by RedMarlin - February 4th, 2020


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Much better day today. Set aside a set period ahead of time to draw and the final results turned out well. I can't say I felt that same surge of emotion while working on these, but I'm still very happy with how they turned out. I wonder if it's the same as falling in love. You may never feel that initial excitement again, but that doesn't mean you aren't still in love. Perhaps I am not feeling that emotion again because I already understand it. That's almost disappointing. Like never being able to hear your favorite song for the first time again. I guess the silver lining is that there are always more drawings to make.


The problems of yesterday seem so small today. Does that mean they didn't mean anything?


1

Posted by RedMarlin - February 3rd, 2020


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Today was rough. It felt like nothing was going as it should. That of course is not conducive to creativity, and yet I still felt the need to try. Sometimes it devolves into me just letting out my frustration onto the paper. Unfortunately that's not how good drawings come about. I managed to get somewhat into the right state of mind, just long enough to sketch out a halfway decent sketch, but then I closed back off. I don't know whether I'll use it or not.


I think I'm getting too hung up on trying to recapture the magic that happened the other night. It feels like in order to get that moment I have to go through some kind of mental breakdown. Those sketches happened only after I completely gave up, and even then it took a few tries. I always try and tell myself to let it be wrong, that it's okay, but the pressure to get it right stays. It's difficult. Worse still is that the frustration can create a vicious cycle, much like what happened tonight. Not to mention I think I'm too hung up on recreating the same subject matter. I don't actually know what I want, I just know I want it to be like that. Did I know exactly what I wanted before? Kind of, now that I think about it. It came to me on its own. I guess that's part of being in the open mode as well. It felt like I was capturing pure beauty and happiness and putting it in visible form on the paper. Not being able to do that again after achieving it twice is frustrating.


I feel like the longer I go without it the more pressure there is to get into it the next time, which only makes things worse. Vicious cycle.


To compound all of this, it's the end of the weekend. Work begins anew tomorrow, and with it most of my time gets wasted away once more. Time... the universal currency. I resigned from SPNATI so that I would have more time, and while I admit I don't regret doing that still, I feel as though the actual amount of time it allows me is still minimal.


I feel as though the burdens of going through life are outweighing the benefits.


It's almost 2AM.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 30th, 2020


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I think I like drawing with a very blunt pencil most of all.


Work has been monotonous lately but it gives me the chance to tune out of what's in front of me and think about story ideas, which is nice. My notepad is filling up.


Drawing has been unsuccessful lately however, probably because of pressure to do well after the last two finished pieces. I know it will pick back up eventually.