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View Profile RedMarlin
Perfectly unremarkable

Joined on 12/5/09

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RedMarlin's News

Posted by RedMarlin - January 22nd, 2020


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I have been slowly coming out of my mental rut. For one thing, I made it through the day without getting into some kind of trouble at work, something which I think was a strong factor in getting me into this rut to begin with. Hopefully I can go the rest of the week as such and continue to get my confidence back. For another thing, last night's art session went rather well again.


I found myself compelled to draw Ray in the nude again. I wound up sketching out one of the opening scenes for his story, where he falls into the river. The premise is that he lies down in the sun to dry out and falls asleep. When he wakes, he finds that he's in the body of a fox and he sees himself running away laughing.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 18th, 2020


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Nearly all of today's session was spent clearing up the mental junk that was blocking my creative flow. I don't think I'm completely back yet, but I think things are starting to return to normal. I didn't try working on the SPNATI painting this evening. I don't know what to do about that.


I'm excited to try another session but I'm also tired. Tomorrow, perhaps.


I suppose if I ever tried doing this as a full time career I would have to be able to devote more than an hour and a half towards it each day. Maybe I'm not cut out for it.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 17th, 2020


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This is from yesterday. I couldn't do anything. I tried, but I just sat here for an hour trying desperately to put paint to canvas and it just was not happening.


My boss feels like I'm not putting enough effort into my work. He says I'm not as enthusiastic about certain projects as I am with others. I don't know what's good enough for him. I don't know what's good enough for me.


I feel a vast emptiness. All I wanted to do tonight was work on that SPNATI painting because the internal pressure has built up so much. I feel like a festering sore. I feel like I want to cry but nothing comes out. I can't work on art but I feel I don't deserve rest or recreation. I don't know what to do.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 15th, 2020


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Did a couple more poses today. It's something.

Lately I've gotten to paint at work again, but I can tell my boss gets impatient with me about it.

Haven't been getting as much sleep lately and it shows.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 12th, 2020


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I don't think I like how her face turned out here, I don't think. But I can tell my creative session is over so I'm going to leave it for now. Went for a good solid hour though.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 11th, 2020


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This pose took well over an hour to make. I might not be able to draw for these, but they do present their own challenges. It's quite fun, really.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 9th, 2020


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This will hopefully look better once her finger's shopped to look like it's actually poking her face.


This pose took forever to make. But... we're finally onto Stage 1. Progress is being made, even if it's at a glacial pace.


Motivation has been low these past few days. I want to work on stuff, but I don't really have the drive. I don't even feel like playing games or anything, I don't know what it is I want. I've been worrying about my little indoor garden though, that's one thing. Maybe that's causing the lack of motivation elsewhere?


Posted by RedMarlin - January 7th, 2020


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I have to get used to typing 20 instead of 19 at the start of the date.


Most of the day today was spent researching soil for my garden, but I did take some time before bed to finish posing the rest of stage 0. Unfortunately the work isn't done yet - there's still the step of masking out the proper layer order using Photoshop. But the good part is that this is hopefully the most extensive stage, aside from the hand-drawn ones at least.


One minute until shutdown.


Posted by RedMarlin - January 2nd, 2020


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Catching up from last night since my computer shut off on me. Still wound up going to bed late because of reasons. So much for new year new me.


Working on SPNATI again. Did a few poses last night, going to try and do at least one tonight. I found that once I got one done, it was easy to keep the momentum going for a few more. Not to mention stage 0 is almost done (again...) so that's a nice little goal. Far from over though... I keep thinking about the custom-drawn poses. It excites me to try it, but it also makes me nervous about getting it really right. I want her to be beautiful.


Now's the point where I would say that what I just said sounds really sappy and dumb, but I am trying one new thing for the new year... put down the whip. I have a habit of replaying bad things I don't like about myself over and over in my head, particularly things I've said or done in the past that I'm ashamed of, and I'm ready to not do that anymore. So I'm going to put down the whip and stop hurting myself over and over. I'm going to try.


Posted by RedMarlin - December 31st, 2019


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I don't know if I'll post this on the actual portal (not yet at least), but I finished the Secret Santa piece yesterday.


It's funny, I think the shutdown timers are starting to work, even just a little. They went off last night at 11:30 and once the initial ping of frustration wore off, I actually went and got ready for bed... but then I got on my laptop and stayed up later. Clearly some more work needs to be done. Tonight however, for New Year's, I decided to turn them off.