This is from yesterday. I couldn't do anything. I tried, but I just sat here for an hour trying desperately to put paint to canvas and it just was not happening.
My boss feels like I'm not putting enough effort into my work. He says I'm not as enthusiastic about certain projects as I am with others. I don't know what's good enough for him. I don't know what's good enough for me.
I feel a vast emptiness. All I wanted to do tonight was work on that SPNATI painting because the internal pressure has built up so much. I feel like a festering sore. I feel like I want to cry but nothing comes out. I can't work on art but I feel I don't deserve rest or recreation. I don't know what to do.