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View Profile RedMarlin
Perfectly unremarkable

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RedMarlin's News

Posted by RedMarlin - August 23rd, 2019


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I never thought I'd be spending hours on a paper doll program, but here we are. I'm trying to come up with a better outfit for Chara, since her sweater's kind of janky around the neck area on the left model. That led to me wondering if I could make the hem a little longer since it looks cuter, which led to me giving her pants, next thing I know she's looking almost tomboyish with a nice new heart chain and some stylish shoes. I suppose if I were a game dev at some big AAA studio I'd still be using a proprietary software to make the assets, this is just that but for the everyman. That's what this is, really. I've been doing game design this whole time and not knowing it. Still, when someone asks me, "What do you do in your spare time," I can't really tell them I work on this, now can I. I can just imagine the smile slowly draining from their face as the details poke through.


It feels good to get back into it again though.


John Cleese in his presentation on creativity said that it's important to know just how much time you have because then you know how long you have before you need to make a decision. The more time you have to think about it, the more time you have to try new things and improve. That's nice, and I've certainly improved a lot, but what happens when your deadline for a decision is technically never? I suppose you have to set an arbitrary one, but that's hard when the improvement is constant and new ideas keep coming in. Chara's taken two years of sporadic development and counting, but the difference between her initial model and dialogue and now is huge.


This is the sort of thing I wish I could talk with the other character devs about but I feel like I would just be rambling to people.


I wish I had more time. I could do this all day. I have several times before. Maybe this is my calling and I just refuse to acknowledge it.


One more thing - I've installed Leechblock back onto Firefox which should hopefully curb my bad internet habits. Rather than block sites outright, I've allowed a 15-minute grace period past a certain point in the afternoon, after which sites will still allow access, but only after waiting for two minutes on that window. Trying to switch to a different tab or window stops the counter and forces you to start over. We'll see how well it works.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 22nd, 2019


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I really feel like I should find a better spot for these. These aren't really news posts, more like journal entries.

It's midnight. I told myself I would go to bed earlier today because I need more sleep, but then I got distracted by the internet. I also told myself I'd work on SPNATI a bit, but even though I got Github Desktop set up with the new Git repository (hopefully for the last time) I wound up getting sitetracked by mindless stuff on the internet and now we're here.


Whenever that happens I tend to have a moment of, "Oh shit, I need to do something productive before I go to bed", but then it becomes a tangled mess of bouncing back and forth between several different things I could do while still being distracted by stuff, thus getting me nowhere. In the past I've tried things like site blockers and auto shutdown timers to try and curb the behavior but I always wind up turning them off. Maybe I should try again. I remember one time I challenged myself to go a week without internet just to see if I could and what would happen. Maybe it's time to do that once more and for longer.


I at least made dinner tonight. If only cooking were my main passion - that's the one thing I'm both decent and confident at. But it's more of a necessity than a hobby. Still, it takes up a lot of time, much like every other responsibility in life. I can be perfectly healthy and active and still be miserable, how about that.


Another good part of today was that I remembered I had set aside a rather sizable chunk of money for a new PC because I wanted to build one, so I actually am beginning research into parts. I've never made one before and I feel very daunted by it, but I want to give it a try.


If I could draw poses for SPNATI instead of having to rely on Kisekae I would say I've found my calling.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 19th, 2019


I have no image to post today because I could not do anything. I tried. I'm so frustrated.


I'm frustrated because I can't do anything right and then I can't do anything right because I'm frustrated. It's a problem that makes itself worse.


I feel like I have no time ever to do all the things I want to do. I either have to give up working on art or give up taking care of myself or my living space, etc. etc. Can't work on art because I have to cook. Can't work on art because I have to clean. Can't work on art because I have to go to the gym. Can't work on art because I have to work, work, work, work at my job, every day, why is it that some people seem to just materialize into the job they want to do, somehow, and I'm nearing 30 still lost in that rat race? Is this what I'm destined to be? Is this it?


I feel like I can't let myself relax when I get home. I get mad at myself when I spend too much time goofing off, and then I'm too mad to properly work on things which makes me even madder. Not to mention my computer's starting to severely slow down because of how big this file's become and I can't afford to build or buy a new one right now.


I don't get how I can be so happy and so unhappy at the same time.


I don't want to go to work tomorrow.


1

Posted by RedMarlin - August 15th, 2019


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This is going to take a long time, isn't it...

But I know if I put in the time and effort it takes, I'll have something great on my hands. Still, I'm starting to want to get back to SPNATI. I think I need to set up a rotating schedule for myself. Right now I feel like I'm trying to keep three balloons in the air but I keep getting so focused on one that I forget about the other two.


I still don't know if the perspective on this is perfect (certainly not on the tables, but they're mostly a messy sketch to see how they'd look) but I think it's a decent mockup. Except that rug... I'll have to think of something there.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 13th, 2019


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I'm not nearly as good at perspective as I should be. It took a couple of hours just to settle on this, and that's with Carapace - though by some miracle if someone reads this, definitely download that if it's still around because it's super useful. Made by Epic Games I just noticed - of all people!


I'm also considering cropping it since there's a lot of background going on right now compared to the actual subject.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 11th, 2019


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Not much today - painted Navi, went through and deleted some older layers which shrank the whole file by about a gig and a half. Still think I'll redo how the table is angled. I have to think about how I want to tackle this background. Right now my plan is to use an outside program to lay out a perspective grid and then rough everything out in black and white. I always forget about that process, but on the other hand I do think going straight to color gives you more control than relying on blending modes.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 10th, 2019


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Went through a minor breakdown at the beginning of this session, but once I got my composure and sunk into it I wound up coming out with Zone finished, making for 4/4.5. I want to add Navi in as a finishing touch, but for now I feel like I need a break. I'll probably also go in and add some more highlights to Shantae since she's looking a little flat compared to the others now. The more I look at it the more I see things that pop up that I want to take care of, but I think I've reached a point where I'm going to get diminishing returns.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 8th, 2019


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Not much today, just a bit of work on her sweater. I can tell I'm pressuring myself to do something good quickly, and that never pans out well. I feel like my good sessions are often followed by bad ones, probably because I have the expectation for myself to perform as well as I did the last time. That's no good for two reasons - one, that means I'm in the closed mode, focusing on completion rather than having fun, which doesn't produce good results. Two, I have a hunch that viewing your results in a positive light in the open mode is crucial to accepting it even after going back to the closed mode, and especially if you do see something else that needs work. You're more open to being willing to jump back in the open mode and play around with it more rather than letting it burn a hole in your skin.


I think a major source of the stress comes from the fact that I want to make the most of what little free time I have between work and general upkeep, but I also want to be able to take some time to relax and enjoy myself. It's that pressure of not having anything finished that gets to me. I feel like there is an invisible audience sitting and wondering why I'm dragging my feet. In the case of SPNATI, I feel like there is an actual audience doing that. Part of me really regrets taking up that project in the first place, even if I do enjoy it. I know Cleese suggested spacing your days out, but I feel like I'm atrophying when I do that. Maybe I just don't manage my time well enough to do both in one day. But is that a good way to enjoy life? Just robotically going through your routine, fitting in your schedule-mandated fun day after day? Who knows. I envy those who enjoy their job.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 7th, 2019


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I'd say it's turning out well so far! This stage of the painting is definitely the most fun - you can jam out to some good music and just let go. Probably the best thing to do, now that I think about it.


I might not have very much time each day to work on this, but I'm still going to do the best I can at it.


Posted by RedMarlin - August 6th, 2019


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Didn't do much today, but I at least finished blending the line art. So at least only the fun part is left for Zone.


No one ever talks about how boring art is. I feel like artists are often seen as these wizards standing in front of their canvas waving some magic wand and pretty pictures appear in a flash of colorful sparks while fairies dance around and whisper sweet nothings into your ears, but it's more like a mixture of frustration and tedium with the occasional accidental epiphany. That Chel drawing I did a while back is still one of the better things I've made and that was such a spur-of-the-moment creative experiment that it makes me wonder if the other 99% of my art has been overthought. I guess it's mostly a matter of the final rendering process, now that I think about it.


Perhaps I'm too focused on completion and the attention that comes with releasing a new piece that I forget the real purpose of art. But are other artists the same way? I look at so many other people's work and they're all such wellsprings of creativity that it makes me feel like there's some untapped inspiration that maybe I just don't have.


I wonder if the fact that I don't feel like I'm having fun a lot of the times when I work on this means that I'm not cut out for it. But something in me keeps going, so maybe I am. I don't know. Playing video games and browsing the internet all evening doesn't leave me with the sense of fulfillment that art does. I want to show things to the world, even if it's just a bunch of smut. At least it's my smut.